The toughest month
So, this is quite a personal post, but I’m in a safe place here. Because it’s my place.
This paycheck represents, financially, the cumulation of everything that’s been happening over the last couple of months. The move, the double rent, shelling out for bond and STILL not having the old bond back, plane tickets that needed to be bought, furniture required for the new place and a couple of purchases I made in the eleventh hour.
Basically, it’s all hit my account at once.
And that account looks quite ill. I know what will happen. I will need to use my credit card for buying groceries and some day-to-day stuff. My very helpful bank manager will call me to point out I’m in the red. I will be mortified. I will phone my old landlady and ask when the hell the bond is coming back to me. She will probably tell me I need to pay another month’s rent because of the unresolved saga of the two stupidest and most stubborn parties who ever tried to sign a contract in the world. I will get stressed. I will fret and lose sleep. And everything will seem worse and more embarrassing.
But even in the depths of this, right now anyway, I feel more positive than I have before, or would usually. Because I am doing something about it. Because this is the bottom, and it’s not anywhere close to the bottom some people have to face every single day. Because I have a great job with steady income and supportive friends and an amazing family. Because I have a cozy roof over my head, I can nourish myself, I am warm, I have clean water, I have luxuries. Because as of next paycheck, things get easier. Because there won’t be another month like this, ever. Because I get to take the trips I’ve paid for, and visit one of my best friends in Finland before her baby girl arrives…well, sometimes these things happen earlier than expected, and whenever she comes it will be a huge blessing. Because even if I can’t buy new things, I have many more things than I will ever really need.
So because of all of that, in the middle of what is the hardest month for me (and yes, I do realise there are children starving in Africa and that half the world has gone mad), I feel positive.
Just kidding. About the amen bit. I am an athiest.
Also, let’s talk about the picture at the top. It was supposed to represent emergence and was called “Hope Springs Eternal” on the site…but then once I added it I realised the html actually labels it “Monster” and also it looks like a vagina. So, I’m leaving it where it is.
Also again, I have another blog! It’s for all the stuff that didn’t quite fit here. Come on over, it’s a friendly place.