What’s this blog about?
Remember that time we were all having turkey dinner and grandma said “I just really want to blow a random stranger”?
No. Neither do I. (Jesus, I really hope your nanna never said that). She’s more likely to have said “Do you know those cheeky blighters at the corner store tried to raise the price of milk by ten whole cents?”
Now, while I do hope to enjoy a fulfilling sex life for many years to come (and thus will not settle for a conservative gentleman who packs his willy away a good 12 years earlier than his more liberal counterparts, according to this article!) I do not want to be in a situation where I have to film granny porn to make ends meet, when I am of a certain age.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Aside from…ok yes, it’s totally wrong.
Basically, I have a spending problem. A bad one. Always have. Hopefully, I’m intercepting the “always will” as we speak. I have decided to embark on a very (for me) ambitious journey. I will not spend money for TWELVE MONTHS. TWELVE WHOLE MONTHS. This is the time from Christmas to Christmas! This is the time from solstice to solstice!…if you just talk about one solstice, for instance the winter solstice and ignore the other solstice, for instance the summer solstice. This is the time between Game of Thrones season finales! It’s longer than it takes to cook a baby. It’s longer than most celebrity marriages. And it’s possibly longer than the time it takes for my brain to snap under the pressure.
I know I’m not the first to have this idea. Of course, I totally thought I was until I consulted the Google. While I can’t be arsed reading the other blogs right now (but I will!), I want to be clear – this is not a blog against consumerism. This is not an anti-spending blog. I don’t really have a problem with “the system” and I am not recommending that we all move to tiny sustainable houses and grow our own quinoa. I have a problem keeping money in my purse. For more than five minutes. All this is, is a purely selfish experiment designed to (hopefully) teach me some lessons.
Namely, that having savings is important. And that the world won’t blow up if I can’t have something I want RIGHT NOW. I am 36 and have nothing saved. Not a penny. In fact, I’m in debt. There, I said it. I also don’t really have anything to show for the 20 years I’ve been working. No investment furniture, no expensive jewellery, no fake breasts, no trophy husband, no chateau in the south of France. Admittedly, there’s a lot of travel in there. And there’s 32 different apartments across 4 different countries (Rented! Not owned. Don’t have a chimney brick to my name). But it’s no excuse. I buy myself whatever I want, whenever I want. And I just decided today – or earlier, depending on when you read this – that spending is the root of all evil.
The experiment hasn’t started yet. I can’t just start like that! Who do you think I am?! I have to do some prep work first. Alright…I have to quickly go buy anything I think I will REALLY need (such as new pillows. Dear god, how I need new pillows). And some other prep that I will write about here.
Let the games almost begin!